LONELINESS: Whispers of good times.

I have been seated for barely 10 minutes and various ideas of what to do had crossed my mind. Take a stroll, see a movie or just gist with folks around.
As I settled down to do one thing, this feeling that it won't work crawls into me and I'd quickly abandon it trying to pick on something else.
This went on for a while before I finally decided to tell myself the truth, I'm lonely.
It's not the first time I have decided to keep to myself. The kind of feelings that consumes your spirit when you just think something isn't right and you need to figure it out.
Now, it appears to me that all the while, life had been spent following strict rules of an unwritten time table. Right from when one wakes up till it's time to go back to bed; we're pleased with our well utilised day plans and schedule. This one feeling guides our life until we get used to the routine.
Along the way, a crucial part of our over-beaten routine falls out; like, loss of job, a friend's absence or even the company of one we are fond of and then our journey back into memory lane begins.
You'd struggle to figure out where the problem is and lucky enough, we get to identify it but not readily find a solution to it.
The depth of this emptiness varies and it explains why different people take to different approaches to annul this biting feeling. Some just resort to drinking and/or smoking it over; some sleep while some try to dig into memorial archive to see if a replacement could be found.
It is at this point, we get to appreciate the significance of certain things we gloss over when things seemed right. We get marvelled at the 5 minutes we spend with the gate-man (who is no more) when we just return from work. The last minute gists with particular colleagues before the close of business, and other little things that we got used to trying to while away time.
The truth about this whole thing is time eventually heals everything. We get to overcome the effect of that missing component but we never fail to make the same mistake over and over. We always get so used to certain things or people that we find it very hard to adjust when they aren't there anymore.
Not everybody openly admits they feel this way. Some are either too arrogant or just fake.
In any case, if you feel this way or have felt this way at one time before, you are not alone.
It is something I call Loneliness and all you have to savour is the whispering of the good old times.
Why won't they just come back because, I AM LONELY.
Would you share my time?

IF I FALL IN LOVE

I am not sure this is one issue we all agree on. Lots of factors determine how we see life and its attendant mysteries and gift. It naturally would end up as the same thing we all think about albeit with different definitions and motives.

My Landlady’s daughter just developed this new thing for Westlife, the group of young guys who took us by surprise some years back. I really can’t say what has happened to that group now; they were such a band that you would at least have to sing some few lines each time you hear them sing. Oh Westlife, where hath thy voices?

I initially thought I was way beyond the Westlife thing considering my new romance with the Dagrins (R.I.P) and 9ces of today but this very young girl would just give you reasons to give some little attention not only because she turns the CD player to its maximum volume but also sings loudly along.

So finally, I’m forced to once again reminiscence. Those days when I just understood self consciousness, I was probably in my 1st or 2nd year in the University, I was a free man, I could just do things I felt like whatever the consequences. Nothing serious with girls, just did my thing, you know. I was quite innocent and very careful about things I was involved with. I still have some I can’t overcome, they keep coming back. They were informed by genuine feelings and true search for fulfilment of my heart desire; believe me, this is not to polish my resume, it’s the truth.
Much as I tried to be fair in these dealings, anytime I by accident stumble on Westlife and their love restricted lyrics, it bothers me if what I actually proposed then was truly Love.

All the ‘I will die for you’, ‘you are my only hope’, ‘I swear I won’t cry’ kind of lyrics make me wonder if that was all there was to Love. If that was it, who exactly should nurture this kind of thought the man, the woman or both? Then, I think again, is it ever worth it or would it be necessary?

In my quite times, these thoughts make me feel like I’m alone in the quest for true love but I am very sure it is general, we only don’t all have the courage to say it out of being timid or unnecessarily quite about our troubles.

There are times I feel girls listen more to this genre of music going by the kind of expectation they bring into any relationship. Their questions come in different forms but most times end up trying to understand a thing about how much commitment guys would show.
Would you cry if you see me cry? Maybe, I mean, if there is a need to, why not? I have tear ducts too.
Would you die for me? That’s too biblical. If I die for you however, who would you die for and how many more guys would have to die for you?
Would you cross the mountains for me? I’d say no, especially if I stay in Lagos. There aren’t mountains, at least none that I know of!
Trust guys, depending on motive and individual idea of love, you could get more varieties of answers just as girls would not stop formulating new questionnaires.

Love is Life, is that not true?

So why do people cheat? Why do people breakup? Why do we betray trusts? Why are we careless about the other person’s true feelings? Why do we carry a list of expectations though unwritten but engraved in our hearts even before we meet our partners?

I am not suggesting that we don’t have certain attributes to look out for in our future partners, no. It’s just that there are times I feel a manifesto presentation arrangement should be made before we even start any discussion. Here are things I have to offer, what are your expectations? Something close to bargaining and negotiation, then make a contractual offer; if our terms are acceptable across the table, let’s put pen to paper.

It appears to me we are selfish after-all. We all must have entered into relationships with divergent and extremely selfish motives. Very few always get lucky with some of their motives converging at certain points which eventually translate into collective goal. These set of people usually end up as models but deep down, it is all just based on selfish converging instinct. Something similar to Mr and Mrs. Smith!
It is not to say they still don’t get into trouble too, but well enough, they have more going for them to let one of their selfish intents destroy other promising prospects.

If the Westlife kind of love is the in thing, they should have at least died by now. There are probably no wells around them or their girlfriends are not demanding that much. Then they are lucky. Not all of their fans have been so lucky though!

Yeah love is real and somehow somewhere it exists but it still beats my imagination if I would ever fall in love!

If you share this thought, you are not alone!

If I fall in Love……